EASING FEAR OF THE DARK

“Mom, I’m scared.”

Fear of the dark usually starts to show up around the 2-yearmark. As toddler’s minds mature, their memory gets longer and their imaginationdevelops. They’ve almost certainly taken a spill on the playground or had somekind of traumatic incident by this point, so they’re aware that there arethings out there that can hurt them. They’ve also probably seen a few movies orbeen read a few books that touch on a couple of spooky elements, even ifthey’re geared towards children.

As adults, we’re experienced enough to recognize that thedark isn’t inherently dangerous. But for a toddler, there’s no history to drawon to assure them that they’re safe and secure after the lights go out. So myfirst, and most important, piece of advice when you’re addressing your little one’sfear of the dark is this…don’t dismiss it completely!

This can be a little tricky navigate. On the one hand, weabsolutely want to show empathy and understanding when something frightens ourkids. On the other, we don’t want to add fuel to the fire.

This is why I’m not a big fan of “monster repellent” ornightly closet checks. When we look in their closet and tell them, “Nope! Nomonsters here! Not that I noticed, anyway, so you’re all good,” it’s not nearlyas soothing as you might think. It’s easy to see how they could interpret thatas, “Yeah, there’s absolutely such a thing as monsters, they’re scary as heck,and they do tend to live in kids’ closets, but I don’t see one in there at themoment, so... ya know. Sleep tight!”

So that covers what I consider to be the wrong way to handlethe situation. How about some advice on the right one? As I was saying earlier,dismissing your little one’s fears as irrational isn’t all that helpful, so asksome questions when they express a fear of the dark. Digging into their concernsis helpful in a couple of ways. It lets them know that you’re taking themseriously, which is very reassuring. It also helps you to assess what it isabout the darkness that frightens them and helps you to address it.

For example, if they tell you they’re seeing things movingaround their room, it might be caused by shadows. Headlights from cars drivingby can often shine enough light through curtains or blinds to throw shadowsacross the room. In that situation, a nightlight or some blackout blinds canprove to be a quick, effective solution.

(Tip: If you’re going to use a nightlight, make sure it’s awarm color (preferably red). Blue lights may look soothing but they stimulatecortisol production, which is the last thing we want at bedtime.)

If they share that they are scared of a monster, then you mayreassure them that monsters are not real. They are only in books and movies and then you can be more cautiousabout the media that they are exposed to.

Now, toddlers aren’t the best at verbalizing things, but you’reshowing genuine concern, and that goes a long way here!

For a lot of toddlers, bedtime is the only time of the daythat they’re left alone. They’re either playing with friends, hanging close totheir parents, or supervised in some way, shape, or form by a grown-up. Bedtimeis also the only time they’re exposed to darkness, so you can see how the twothings together could easily cause some anxiety.

So the obvious (and super fun!) way to ease some of thatapprehension is to spend some time together in the dark. Reading books under ablanket with a dim flashlight is a great activity. Some hide and seek with thelights out is tons of fun as well. Playing with a flashlight to create shadow animals on the wall is funtoo. Quiet time alone in their room (with the lights on) during the day is alsogood.  We just want to create somepositive associations.

This isn’t likely to be an overnight fix, but stayrespectful, stay calm, and stay consistent. After your little one’s fears havebeen addressed and they’ve learned that the darkness is more fun thanfrightening, they will begin to gain confidence around going to sleep.

One last little tip, turning down the lights gradually asyour little one’s bedtime approaches is a good way to ease them into a darksetting, and also helps to stimulate melatonin production, which will help themget to sleep easier. Two birds, one stone.

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